thanks, but no, thanks

"You are cute".
"Excuse me..".
Did I get it right? I didn't expect that from a guy, and a guy whom I knew his sexual preferences were, err, lemme say revolutionary..
Year 2006 - Toronto
I was pretty upset about some recent developments and just wanted to engage myself with something over the weekend. After all, an idle mind is a devil's workshop. I pretty much jumped at the opportunity of going to this summer party. I had known this guy at work, and he has always been frank to everybody about his sexual preferences. The party was pretty good - he had his neighbours, a lot of his straight friends, a lot of his couple friends and.. a lot of his gay friends..
I was having a nice time talking to people...

"You are cute", He said again..
"Hmm.. errr.. thanks, but no, thanks"
"Oh no!! she said you are cute", pointing at his granny standing next to us. I had been introduced to her a minute back, was talking to others and I'd totally missed out her comments. He was just acting as a proxy..

I took a moment to precisely grasp what's been going on.. felt a mixture of emotions passing through my head - I was relieved of not having to go through an awkward situation, and hey, somebody found me admirable!!

The party moved on, and I sneaked out a bit later with the rest of the straight singles..

A few days later, I ran into him again at the corridor, we both were out for a coffee and decided to head out together.. Started talking.. work, Bush, Iraq, arranged marriage (btw, this is a hit with all my western friends), and in general.. life..

"You know, some people think that we look and approach all men with a 'you know what' angle"- He said
"Oh really, that's weird", I replied, ofcourse with a faked surprise on my face..

"But the truth is that I feel the same about a relationship just like you do. I had a special some one.. It was short but it was very special."

"Then, what happened?"

"He left me. He used me when things weren't going good for him. Then he left me... But you know what the worst part is. I still can't hate him. And sometimes I think it would have been so good if he was in my life.. I still miss him so much.."

I looked at him and I could see the sadness on his face.. the pain deep in his eyes..

I hope you find your happiness, my friend..